Before I dive right in with this post, I want to announce that I have temporarily removed myself and my account from Instagram. Over the years I have always distanced myself from the social media platform when I have felt like it has all become too much. I would normal just remove the app from my devices and take a week off just to reset and then I would be back to creating content, scheduling posts and interacting with other users from the beauty and skincare community. This time around is very different. A lot has changed in my life and it’s been a hell of a year or two even putting Covid aside. My mental and physical health took a big hit and the normal routes out of my depressive slumber just haven’t been working. I have changed, my body has changed and my life has changed, so obviously the usual self-help and self-care I would normal turn too for comfort and support just doesn’t suffice and that has been hard. I have lost my love for sharing the snippets of my life and hobbies. I’ve lost the love for getting in the kitchen and for sharing the happy things that bring me joy in my life.
I have always said that social media, especially Instagram, is all just screen grabs of people’s lives but the part of their lives they want us to see. There is nothing wrong with that at all, in fact it’s a great way to share positive life experiences, days out, inspiration for life, home etc; but we have to remember there is more to life than the good times, the not so good times also matter because without those struggles and stresses we wouldn’t be able to appreciate and improve ourselves and our wellbeing. We need the healthy balance of the two.
I have always been open about my struggles with chronic migraines and also shared my experience with depression and anxiety. My Instagram is primarily beauty and skincare posts with selfcare, mental health and mindfulness weaved through it. This is what I want to share and what makes me happy. Well, what did make me happy. I would feel disappointment if a post was to ‘flop’ with low numbers on likes and reach, an advertisement I had worked so hard on doesn’t do as well as other photos or reels I have posted. This knocks my confidence; it makes me doubt my abilities. It’s a horrible feeling when the clutter of negativity gathers in my head. I know that this time was harder for me because of all the changes that are currently happening in my life. I knew I couldn’t carry on doing what I was doing and it really did go on for too long as I started to resent my account and my love for sharing skincare and beauty products wasn’t bringing me the same joy. I wouldn’t cook or bake and not feel motivated enough to share it with the world. This made me sad. Things needed to change and that change was to disable my Instagram accounts, all of them! I have said to myself that I will use this time to focus on myself. I need to rediscover what I love, how to make my self feel the happiness and joys of life.
It’s hard for me to write this and to some it may read that my ‘problems’ are not real problems and there is my point. No matter what you are going through, you are going through it and it’s all relative. You are struggling and needing to find a way out of the black hole you are sinking lower into. Social media can be a cruel place when you get the trolls, the negative, the bullies, the ones that think they know your feelings and situation better than you do. They don’t. You know your truth, your body, your mind, your soul. If you are unhappy for any reason, it’s a good enough reason to say, ‘Hi, yes, I’m feeling low. I need advice, I need help and that is A OK. Do not, I repeat, do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
I know that I’m not in a good place. I know I need to help, support, and also to be a little kinder to myself. I need to slowly help myself get back on my own two feet. I need to find the love for myself again because I know I once did have that happy and warm feeling in my heart. I am so lucky to have such a supportive family and I know this is just a difficult time in my life and soon it will be a part of my life that once taught me how strong I really am and those bad days really made the good days that much better.
For now, I want to focus on writing. I have had this blog since 2013, it has evolved over the years to include more of my life and even though I still am a private person, I still have that little spark inside me that knows I still want to have this space on the internet where I own the content, it’s my place to sit and just write and share and it doesn’t matter who sees it, who reads it or shares it because I like it and it’s my space to share my thoughts, feelings and loves. This is the first post where I have a new outlook on my relationship with the internet and social media. And when the days comes when I feel ready to return to using Instagram again, I want to be in a better place in my head and to have changed my approach to how I use the platform, making sure that I don’t feel the way I did before my little hiatus.
I am feeling that little tingle in my chest, just like the Grinch does when he starts to feel feels for Christmas and love. I know it’s in there somewhere and I will find my-self and my place again. I’ve written and shared a few posts on my journey with mental health here if you want to check it out.
Let me know how you feel about your relationship with social media in the comments, is it a healthy one?
Until next time, sending you love and light,